What Is Somatic Anger Release? How Touch, Movement, and Breath Help Soothe the Nervous System
Somatic anger release is a powerful practice that helps us process and let go of stored emotions by engaging the body's natural healing mechanisms. Essentially, it’s the practice by which one allows themself to have an adult temper tantrum for the purposes of anger management and overall emotional release. By focusing on the mind-body connection, we can soothe and regulate the nervous system.
Somatic anger release is a modality that has changed my life drastically since I first discovered it about 10 years ago. Many studies and books have told us that emotions are stored in our bodies. But a lot of them don’t really tell us what to do about that. This is where somatic anger release comes in.
Understanding the Somatic Approach to Anger Management
Have you ever seen a child throw a temper tantrum? Of course you have. You may have noticed that they hold nothing back. They allow themselves to wail and sob and shake without any regard to how they look to others (children have that gift). They ride the wave of their emotions completely. The temper tantrum has peaks and valleys, but eventually, it ends. When the child feels empty, they move into self-soothing. Maybe they rock themselves back and forth, cuddle a stuffed animal, suck their thumb, or take a nap. And then they’re fine. Ten minutes later, they’re running around laughing like nothing happened.
They’re free.
The child doesn’t even realize what they’re doing, but it’s very powerful. By combining unbridled emotional expression with physical sensations like shaking and hitting, they’re achieving the same emotional freedom that somatic anger release provides. And adults can do the same thing! By leaning into our bodily sensations when we feel triggered, we can allow our feelings to be released from our bodies, which is a powerful path to anger management. This form of somatic therapy frees us from the stored emotions that otherwise weigh us down, allowing our nervous systems to settle into their parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) state.
Throughout our journeys into adulthood, society tells us that the “adult” thing to do when we have big feelings is to stuff them down. We’re told that it’s not “ladylike” or “manly” to show emotions, or that we’re “too much” if we let it out. Maybe our parents even went so far as to shame us for expressing emotion (mine sure did). So we learned that it’s not safe to express.
But after decades of stuffing emotions down and using numbing devices (such as alcohol, porn/sex/masturbation, drugs, overeating/undereating, binging TV shows, self-harm, etc.) to self-soothe, we become a shell of ourselves. Maybe it turns into clinical depression, or maybe we’re just irritable and snap at people all the time. Or maybe we just feel… numb.
The Dangers of Suppressed Anger and Pent-Up Emotions
Pent-up emotions lead to a myriad of scary physical health issues over time, including but not limited to chronic pain, high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, headaches, digestive issues, and cardiovascular issues leading to an increased risk of heart disease. The CDC reports that heart disease is the leading cause of death in America, so this is not a game, folks. It’s extremely important to intentionally release pent-up emotions on a regular basis in order to maintain overall wellbeing.
Now, I realize that some of you may be reading this and thinking that you don’t have anger. I’ve had clients say to me, “I’m not angry. I’m just sad.” Or, “I’m not angry. I’m just irritable.” Or, “My life is great overall. What do I have to be angry about?”
Spoiler alert: you’re angry. Sadness lives underneath anger. Many people find sadness to be more socially acceptable than anger, so they choose to live in the sadness instead. But that doesn’t mean the anger went away. Irritability is a product of suppressed anger that is boiling up to the surface and releasing itself in little snaps here and there. You can be grateful for your life overall and still have unprocessed anger underneath. It’s in there.
So if you’re ready to learn how to release that persistent physical tension in a healthy way, keep reading.
A Somatic Anger Release Exercise: A Step-by-Step Guide
So what am I even talking about? What does it look like? Remember the kiddo who had the temper tantrum and gave zero f**ks and just let it all come out? That’s the idea. You get to re-enter that space as an adult.
I invite you to find a quiet, private place (send your housemates out for an hour if you need to), turn off your phone, and start to bring to mind any and all of the things, situations, and/or people that have been pissing you off. Then, I invite you to try any combination of the following somatic practices:
Stomping around your house/room.
Safely slapping your body (thighs, chest, etc.).
Punching pillows.
Screaming into pillows.
Crying.
Shaking.
Growling/making primal sounds.
Cursing aloud.
Saying/screaming the things you wish you had said in the moment.
Fully expressing.
Letting it all out until you’re completely emotionally and physically empty.
Releasing and Regulating: The Power of Self-Soothing
Once you feel like you’ve reached the end of your emotional expression and your physical tension has left your body, it’s extremely important to regulate your nervous system and slowly come back to the present moment. The process of somatic anger release can feel very intense, so start by taking a few deep breaths. Then, I invite you to try any combination of the following mindfulness practices:
Cuddling a stuffed animal, pillow, or person.
Putting one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly.
Inhaling through your nose, holding the breath for a beat, and releasing with a slow, long exhale out of your mouth. (Your exhale should be longer than your inhale.)
Reminding yourself you’re safe.
Meditating.
Rocking your body front to back or side to side.
Humming, singing, or chanting “om”.
Journaling.
Taking a nap.
Now, I know this all sounds really intimidating. You’ve probably spent decades stuffing your emotions down. Maybe you’re afraid of what might be unleashed. Maybe you’re afraid you won’t be able to come out of it. Maybe you’re afraid your neighbors or partner might hear you and judge you. But here’s the thing: the emotional and physical freedom that awaits you on the other side of this process is worth facing all those fears. When you start to adopt healthier coping mechanisms, your overall wellbeing will benefit immensely. Trust.
My Personal Experience with Somatic Anger Release
The other day, I woke up cranky AF. Then I had multiple annoying things happen that morning that I had to deal with. And with every single one of those things, I was just like “NOPE”. I wasn’t having it. No patience for anything. I also had a raging headache and felt sleepy even though I had just slept for eight hours.
I had a very strong urge to say “F this” and go back to bed in hopes that more sleep would help soothe these feelings (and my headache). But that would’ve only been a temporary solution.
My irritability was slowly boiling up to the surface. I felt unsettled in my nervous system. I was triggered. I knew I had two choices. Attempt to stuff it down and numb the feelings, or practice unbridled emotional expression.
I decided to practice what I preach and took myself through a long overdue somatic anger release. I got messy AF, and I got it all out.
Afterwards, I felt way more settled in my nervous system. Even though I had just expended a lot of energy during my temper tantrum, I felt more energized. That’s right. I wasn’t tired anymore. My headache was also gone, and I started my period which had been three days late. I felt more at peace, and I was able to come back to all the garbage that morning had thrown at me with greater self-awareness, patience, and understanding.
I was free.
The Difference is Visceral: The Lasting Impact of Somatic Release
In my NYC-based sex and relationship coaching practice, I often take individuals and couples through the process of somatic anger release. It is simply astounding what can happen when you give yourself the gift of moving stored emotion out of your body instead of letting it sit there for decades. I have witnessed people in their 30s and beyond releasing things that have been stuck in their bodies since childhood. The difference is visceral to me.
Seeing someone free themselves from trauma that’s decades old is life-changing. And I’ve also experienced it myself firsthand. By allowing ourselves to use the mind-body connection to our advantage and consciously engage in targeted emotional expression, we can cultivate greater self-awareness and overall well-being.
When to Seek Professional Help and Somatic Support
Now, I want to make sure you understand that this is not a one-time thing. It’s not like you do one somatic therapy session, and you release everything that’s been building up for decades. Anger management and nervous system healing are ongoing processes. Maybe in the beginning, you’ll need to do this every day. But over time, you’ll need it less and less. I’m at the point now where it’s more like maintenance. I know when I get really irritable, it’s time for a release.
I love this quote from writer Susan Raffo because it reminds us how important it is to have a regular practice of metabolizing our emotions. She writes, “Self-care is the constant practice of not letting more pain accumulate. It is about continually remembering that our lives are of value. It is the active process of settling our nervous systems so that we have more access to the present moment.”
So the next time you notice yourself having a disproportionate reaction to something, or snapping at a loved one or coworker, I want you to take note. Consider the idea that you could go home that night and actually release your anger and sadness in a healthy way, instead of going on autopilot and numbing and suppressing. Think of my story of how I freed myself and my clients from these stored somatic emotions. And know that I’m here if you want support.
I understand that the concept of taking yourself through such an intense anger management process can be really intimidating. Many people fear getting lost or stuck in their emotions, so they choose not to go there at all. But this is when it can be extremely helpful to do this type of somatic therapy in the presence of a coach or therapist. Make sure you seek a practitioner who specializes in somatic therapy or somatic coaching rather than a traditional talk therapist. While talk therapy can certainly be valuable, it keeps you in your head rather than getting you into your body. You’ll want to seek a somatic therapist or somatic coach to help you actually release your stored emotions in a safe and healthy way. It can be immensely powerful to have a trained professional hold you lovingly through this process.
Conclusion: Embracing Your Childlike Joy
Somatic anger release is a life-changing tool to add to your self-care toolbox. Combined with mindfulness practices, nervous system regulation, and professional support, somatic anger release can help you embrace healthier coping mechanisms and cultivate greater self-awareness.
As a certified somatic sex and relationship coach, I’d be honored to witness your emotional release and guide you along your journey. Reach out here if you’re interested in working together.
You deserve to get back to your childlike joy, wonder, and energy levels. Somatic anger release could be one of the many tools to help get you there. I sincerely hope it serves you on your healing journey.
